I missed the outside + a 2020 reflection
Hello and welcome to May I spoon you?! I hope this week finds you well and as always thank you for sharing this space with me.
On Friday, March 13, 2020, I decided to take a mental health day. I drove to Whole Foods (a rare treat) and walked the aisles as I drank an iced coffee. It was the very early stages of people's panic buying and I noticed that the cleaning supplies aisle was scarce. I did manage to add paper towels, gallons of water, and baby wipes to my cart. I truly did not believe that the next time I would walk into a store, most of the aisles would be empty. That afternoon, I received an email from work that our district would be closed for the next three weeks. Spring break was going to be extended and we were going to return sometime in April. That did not happen. We finished the school year at home. I was saddened that there were no goodbyes with my students and colleagues. While at home, I was fine. I was extremely busy with work navigating a new form of teaching that involved long hours at my kitchen table with up to three devices in front of me.
My family was doing fine, while some family members are essential workers I knew that they would be ok as their places of employment were taking the necessary precautions. My anxiety was only heightened when a series of events between September and November started to unfold. One was a non-covid related death, which I still have not been able to fully process. The other two involved my safety at home. Someone tried to steal my car, were unsuccessful but did manage to take my four wheels. Then in October, there was an attempted break-in to my apartment while I was at home. Enter sleepless nights and horrible anxiety attacks.
I believed that I was doing fine with the pandemic but the events in late 2020 reached an all-time peak. I was actually not fine. I decided to seek professional help and am now back in therapy. I ended the year moving to a safer location but the worry of covid was still very much in the back of my mind. Thanksgiving and Christmas were especially difficult as I was not able to celebrate with my family and that was not healthy for my mental state. My family celebrates with food and gatherings and not being able to gather was depressing.
I am now fully vaccinated and eager to return to work to see my students and my colleagues. I hold those who the virus has taken away from us in my thoughts and heart. I also send those of you who are not doing fine a warm and tight hug. I am hopeful for a better tomorrow.
This week
Last Sunday I went on my first outing. I attended the farmers market. I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve been out this past year. Curbside pickup and Grubhub have become my new best friends. While I am not quite ready yet to walk the aisles of Target or sit down to have a meal at a restaurant, I am ready to get outdoors. The weather was not so kind. It was cold and windy. However, it warmed my heart and spirit to see vendors and shoppers enjoying themselves. Among other goodies, I purchased a treat for my dog; two bundles of carrots. I came home, washed them, and admired their beauty. It was such a nice treat to actually pick out my produce rather than ordering it through a screen. I had so many emotions running through my body that I decided to take a picture of my purchase.
In Lupus news…
As I previously stated, I am now fully vaccinated. However, I still worry about the virus. I still worry that my vaccine will not work (hello anxiety). I have been doing nonstop research about the precautions I should take even though I am vaccinated. I found this blog post in the New York Times, which I found very informative. The post quotes the CDC which informs us to continue to wear a mask (looking at you Texas) and continue to practice handwashing ( I mean who is still not properly washing their hands?!).
Now, May I spoon you?
Grab a cup of tea, sit in a comfortable position and please read this interview on Marie Claire with Stacey Abrams who was such an important figure during the 2020 presidential election.
Her work continued beyond the presidential election and helped Georgia turn blue! One of my favorite lines from the article is “Abrams isn’t in it to remind you of the power she wields as much as to activate your understanding for how much power you wield. And how that power can be used toward a collective good.” My goal in the near future is to be more involved in political discussions. Our voice matters! If we want changes to occur in this country, WE need to make it happen. Thank you, Stacey Abrams!
This piece was written by Ashley C. Ford who wrote a book and is coming out in June 2021!
Again, thank you for sharing this space with me and please stay safe!
This newsletter details my daily struggle with Lupus and what works for my body to help manage my condition. May I spoon you? does not provide medical advice. The contents of this newsletter are intended for informational/entertainment purposes only. Please consult with a medical professional before seeking new treatment and/or medication.